


Haphephobia

by SaintOfLosAngeles



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019), The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band Book - Mötley Crüe & Neil Strauss
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 08:03:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21334930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaintOfLosAngeles/pseuds/SaintOfLosAngeles
Summary: Tommy hugs Nikki. Nikki doesn't remember what a hug fucking feels like.
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56





	Haphephobia

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the touch starved prompt on Tumblr, "I haven't been hugged in years". Its fluffy, with a bit of angst, ya know, my specialty. This was so fun to do.

Nikki didn't know if he'd ever get used to just how  happy Tommy was. He was an embodiment of  sunshine , always bouncing on his heels with a giant grin on his face, the kind of grin that someone can't fake, the kind that reaches a person's eyes and makes them sparkle and radiate joy to everyone around them.

Nikki always felt so damn  gloomy when compared to Tommy. He wasn't necessarily a storm, more like an overcast day with the promise of sun hiding behind dark clouds. His joy was there, honestly. He felt it bubbling up everytime he went on stage, every time he found that perfect lyric to compliment the perfect rhythm, and everytime he looked at his drummer, if he was being honest.

Wait, no. Bring that shit back in, Nikki.

That joy was always veiled, however, hidden behind a thin cover, almost to where if you looked hard enough, you could tell it was there, but Nikki would never share willingly.

Tommy was the closest friend he had had since, well,  ever,  and he had come so close on so many occasions to breaking the stoic act Nikki had been putting on for so many years.

It scared Nikki in more ways than one, he was becoming so damn  attached to the kid, if Tommy ever left Nikki would be heartbroken, and that's a scary thought.

Nikki was pulled out of his daydreaming by the sound of a door slamming shut, and Nikki knew by the rhythm of the boots pounding on the floor exactly who it was. 

"Nikki! Dude, you won't believe it." The drummer was practically vibrating with excitement as he stared down at Nikki with shiny eyes.

"I just got back from the Whiskey dude, one of their acts canceled for tonight, they want us to play! Its gonna be packed tonight, Nik, can you fucking believe it??"

Tommy's voice was this beautiful melody, almost as if he were singing the words, as if you could hear the joy dripping from his lips, and Nikki couldn't help but let a grin sneak out too.

Nikki stood up from his place on the couch, ready to pat the drummer's shoulder, ruffle his hair, chuck him gently under the chin. These gestures had been Nikki's way of letting the drummer know  "I know I'm a little rough around the edges, but I still care about you, kid."

But as soon as the bassist was on his feet he felt arms throwing themselves around his shoulders, a head tucking itself into the crook of his neck, and a warm body trying to melt itself into his as Tommy's delighted chuckles reached his ears.

Nikki knew how fucking stiff he got, he could feel his body go completely rigid and his pulse quicken as his instincts told him to duck and run from this overwhelmingly affectionate display, even though there was an itch in the back of his brain telling him to  stay.

This wasn't right, no one touched him like this, no one held him this tightly, like he was something worth holding, not ever in his life and if he doesn't get the fuck out of here he's gonna start crying like a little bitch and NO-

Before he could register his own actions in his brain, Nikki was pushing Tommy off of him and patting his shoulder and  retreating.  Mumbling out some vague excuse and retreating back to his room, back to his fucking  hideout.

Nikki plopped himself on the floor in the corner of his room with an absolute groan as the door slammed behind him. That was humiliating, and he knew Tommy has to be beyond fucking confused right now.  Who the fuck runs from genuine displays of honest affection? Nikki fucking Sixx, that's who.

Nikki had wanted nothing more than to stay in Tommy's arms, well,  forever honestly. But his body wouldn't allow that, even if his mind was pleading with him to soak in this affection while it lasted.

Tommy was a good kid, someone who was honest with his emotions, and loved with his whole heart. He wouldn't hurt Nikki like he had been hurt in the past.

Right?

Nikki jumped at the sound of light knocking on his door. The sound felt cautious,  careful , two things the Tommy  never is, and that just made Nikki feel worse.

He didn't want to…  dampen  this kid. He didn't want his gloom to overtake Tommy's sun, he didnt want to ruin Tommy's open vulnerability and honesty with his emotions because it was so fucking  endearing to Nikki. It was something he never was, and he didn't think he could ever be.

"Sixx? I'm coming in."

Nikki wasn't surprised at that, his silence probably had done nothing to console Tommy's worry that was clear in his voice, but what the fuck was he supposed to say?

"Sorry, kid, if you wanna hug someone go find Vinnie and hope he doesn't knock you the fuck out, because I'm too emotionally unavailable to help you with that shit?"

He couldn't say that, because that implies he didn't want the affection. And he did, honestly he  did . All he could do was tell the truth, and that didn't sound like a great option either.

But as he brought his eyes up from their fixed spot on the filthy carpet to look up at Tommy through his dark bangs, who was now sitting on the ground across from him, the brown eyes he saw didn't look angry, they looked softened with a sense of  knowing .

Goddammit, T-bone.

"Sorry, Tom.", was all that Nikki could force out in the moment.

And Tommy was just smiling this soft smile at him, accompanied by the  cutest little curious head tilt.

"Its okay, Nik- just…. Why don't you like hugs, man?  Everyone likes hugs. I fucking  love hugs, I mean it's  okay,  trust me, I guess I just wanna know why-"

Nikki cut him off, because everything he just said was wrong and he couldn't help himself.

"I don't  not like them, dude. I haven't been hugged in years- at least 10 fucking years.  At least.  So I don't know, it just took me by surprise I guess."

Tommy's eyes were wide and his jaw had actually dropped, his mouth forming a perfect o shape, and it would have been fucking comical if Nikki didnt feel so damn  vulnerable over this whole situation, especially after the information he just let slip out,  fuck .

Tommy didn't say anything for a few moments and when Nikki's eyes caught his for a moment after darting around the room, desperately trying to find something else to look at, he swore he saw shiny tears in them, but that  can't be right.

After a few more beats of silence, Nikki saw Tommy moving out of the corner of his eye, and upon looking up, his insides turned to liquid when he saw Tommy sitting there with his arms open, waiting for Nikki to fall into them as if he belonged there.

Nikki was just staring at him at this point, nerves itching to go throw himself at the younger boy, but something was holding him back.

"Come here, Nikki, it's okay."

And, okay, maybe it was okay. Maybe.

Nikki cautiously scooted himself closer, even to himself he seemed like a scared puppy, inching himself closer to a human with the terrifying hope of just a  little bit of love.

When he cautiously put his arms around Tommy's back and rested his chin on Tommy's shoulder, he could  feel Tommy's grin as his arms burst into action scooping him up, spinning him around, and throwing them back until they were a tangled mess of limbs on the dirty floor.

Nikki couldn't help but think he should be panicking, but Tommy was laughing and the sound was just so beautiful Nikki found himself laughing too as he flipped himself on top of Tommy, the two of them wrestling around on top of dirty clothes and cigarette packages until they were both out of breath and a loud banging was heard from the room next door. 

"I'm still sleeping, you fucking  pricks , can you quit fucking, or whatever  the fuck you're doing in there?"

Vinnie's exasperated voice just made the boys laugh harder as Nikki settled comfortably down with his head on Tommy's shoulder and his arm across the drummer's stomach. He felt Tommy's fingers tracing patterns on his back and he smiled, even as his mind came to the realization that this was a step above hugging, they were fucking  cuddling .

Nikki couldn't help but wonder how normal it was to want to stay in your straight, male best friends arm's forever.

But that was a problem for another day.


End file.
